Kitty!
by tsuriau
Summary: RoyEd fun domestic fluff. Warnings for language, shonenai, and a manipulative baby.
1. Part 1 Kitty!

Roy/Ed; future domestic fluff.

Warnings for shonen-ai and language.

**Obligatory disclaimer:** I do not own FMA. That's probably a good thing.

* * *

"Kitty!"

Ed ignored him.

"Kitty!"

"Yes, Al, it's a very nice kitty."

"KITTY!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh," Ed grumbled to the small boy on his back. "I'll take you to go see the damn kitty."

"Damn Kitty!"

_Fuck, now Roy's really going to kill me,_ Ed thought, carrying his young son into the pet shop. He stopped in front of the kitten display, one small ball of coal-black fuzz lying just beyond the glass. Ed then proceeded to give every mother around mild heart attacks as kneeled down, flipping the toddler off his shoulders and down onto his bent knee.

"Look, Al, you see? There's the kitty. It's a nice kitty, just like the four you already have at home. We don't need another kitty. Papa Roy's not too happy about the ones we have."

The boy looked up at him, lip quivering, red eyes brimming with tears. "Papa, kitty?"

Ed winced. The kid was barely over a year old, and already had the blonde completely wrapped around his chubby finger. Ed and Roy had adopted the Ishbalan orphan when he was only 3 months old. When they had gone to the orphanage, they had been intending on getting an older child. The woman had just stared at the men when they made their request that the child be 'housebroken'. Roy had chatted with the woman about the particulars of the adoption while Ed had wandered off, finding himself in an empty passageway. A faint cry was issuing from a door further down the hall, and when no one appeared, Ed had opened the door to investigate.

Alone in the room, wailing from his cradle was a small baby with dark skin and a tuft of dark hair. The little boy's eyes were screwed shut as he sobbed, and when still no one came, Ed reached down and took the baby into his arms.

The crying had stopped immediately, and the man was thusly hooked. It had taken a lot of convincing to get Roy to agree, and there was a great deal of extra red tape involved in the adoption process since the child was so young, but Alphonse Elric-Mustang soon became an irreplaceable part of their small family.

It had started out hard; neither man really knew what he was doing, domesticity never having been a strong point for either. Their schedules posed a problem, also; it had been a major reason for wanting to adopt an older child. But with the baby came the joy of him having known no other parents, and hiring a nanny took care of the problem of the men's jobs.

Although finally having reached his goal of becoming Fuehrer allowed Roy some flexibility of schedule, it also meant many more responsibilities, along with a good deal of paperwork that he really should sign. Ed, on the other hand, still worked for the Military as a research Alchemist. Along with his long-restored brother and help from colleagues from Xing, massive strides were being made in the field of Medical Alchemy.

"Kitty!"

Ed sighed. "I'm sorry, Al, but I'm going to have to say no. You've gotten me into enough trouble this week with your kitties. Roy nearly killed me when he found the couch all scratched up. Humph, I don't know what he was so mad about, I fixed it fine, but Papa Roy's been in a bit moody lately. So, no, Al. No kitty."

The little boy stared at him, only really comprehending the last few words.

"Al no kitty?"

"No kitty."

The lip began to tremble again, tears spilling from wilting eyes.

"I love you, Papa," he said in his baby voice, pressing his tear-streaked face against Ed's chest.

Ed grumbled as he paid for the cat, who was curled up safely in a carrier. He tossed the boy back up onto his shoulders, holding him steady with his unoccupied hand, chubby fingers holding tight to golden hair.

They made their way out of the pet shop, blinking as they stepped into the bright sunlight.

"You sure live up to your namesake, kid. At least Uncle Al only brought home strays, he didn't have me spending money on them. You sure you're not related to us? I swear there must be some Elric blood in you. Maybe that bastard Hoenhiem had an Ishbalan lover at some point, he sure had long enough…" Ed mused, talking mostly to himself.

"Bastard, Bastard!"

"Great, now you're really going to get me into trouble. You want me sleeping on the couch tonight? Huh?"

The boy just giggled, continuing to play with his father's ponytail.

"Edward, just what is that you're carrying?" a voice called from behind them.

"PAPA!" Al shrieked, launching himself from his perch on Ed's shoulders and into Roy's arms.

"You tell me, Roy, he's your son," Ed replied, tilting his head up to meet his husband for a greeting kiss. "I'd say it's your fault for teaching our child to manipulate me so well."

Roy glanced behind him, following Ed's eye line to the store down the block. "You didn't…"

"Papa, KITTY!"

"Edward!"

"Come on, Roy, how could I say no?" Ed gave his best I'm-sorry-please-forgive-me-you-can-spank-me-later-if-you-want-to look. "Besides, isn't she cute?" He held the carrier so that the man could peer inside. Bright green eyes stared back at him.

"Kitty!"

Roy sighed. "I'm never forgiving your brother for giving us that first cat, I swear."

There was a honk, and both men glanced over as Havoc pulled over to the curb.

"Alright, boys, let's go," Roy declared, opening the door and strapping Al into his car seat. He then sat up front with Havoc as Ed slid into the backseat.

"Home, sir?" Havoc asked, flicking his cigarette out the open window.

"Right," he said, pulling out into the traffic. "So, Boss, what's in the box there?"

"It's another cat," Roy grumbled before Ed could answer.

"Another one? That makes, what, four, now?"

"Five."

"Kitty damn bastard kitty!" Al announced proudly to all.

Ed turned scarlet.

"_Edward!_"

"I'm sorry, Roy!" Ed stammered, putting his hand over the squirming boy's mouth. "I don't mean for him to… OUCH!"

"What now, Ed?"

"He BIT me!"

Roy sighed and shook his head. Even at thirty years old, Ed was still in some ways the same teenager he had fallen in love with.

"Then keep your fingers away from his teeth. Or at least use your other hand."

"Thanks for your concern, _Honey_," Ed mumbled sarcastically, sucking on his injured finger.

"Honey, kitty, honey, kitty, kitty, honey," Al sang, wiggling his finger through the front of the carrier and babbling happily the rest of the ride home.


	2. Part 2 Pink

Technically part 3 in my Kitty!verse, but since part 2 will never be posted here, this is what we are left with.

* * *

- 

"Ed! Al! I'm home!" Roy called as he shut the front door behind him, tossing his trench coat on its hook.

"PAPA!" came the shriek from somewhere within the house. There was much bumping and crashing before a small boy came barreling around a corner as fast as his chubby little legs could carry him. He squealed in delight as Roy caught him, swinging him up and into a bear hug before flipping the boy back on the floor to clutch at his leg.

"Mr. Roy, I'm glad that you're home, you can have a _talk_ with your son."

"Hi, Anita, you're here late." Roy kissed the cheek of the woman who had followed his adopted son into the room. Anita Johnson was their son's nanny, as well as their self-appointed cook and housekeeper, and the household's undisputed matriarch. The sprightly elder woman had saved himself and his husband from their woeful lack of domestic skills, and had become something of a mother hen to all three of 'her boys'.

"Yes, well, Mr. Edward called to say that he and his brother would be working rather late tonight on some project, and asked me to stay with the boy until you got home. Which, of course, is never a problem, it's just that, well, lets just say that the boy decided to be a bit, well, _creative_ today."

Roy winced. "What did he do now?"

She gave Roy a _look_ before wordlessly motioning for him to follow her into the house. She paused by the door to Ed's study, opening the door and letting him step in. Al giggled from the ride through the house seated firmly atop his father's foot.

Dark eyes scanned the room in trepidation. For a moment, however, Roy didn't recognize anything to be out of place. The walls, the carpet, the furniture, the _books_… everything seemed to be alright. Roy let out a breath he had been holding, only to have it catch again when his eyes fell on the one thing that was indeed very wrong. On a footstool lay their oldest feline, the beautiful white Persian long-hair that Alphonse had given them to celebrate little Al's adoption. Roy choked slightly. The beautiful, long fur of the cat _had_ been white when he had left for work that morning. He was sure of it. It was currently a rather fetching shade of purplish-pink.

"Ummmmm," Roy couldn't quite find words. "Anita. Is that cat PINK?"

"Yes, sir. Not exactly sure how the boy managed it, really. He's a smart one, let me tell you. Takes a lot of effort to dunk a cat in a pitcher of grape juice. Especially without my noticing the commotion. I tried washing her, but you know how grape juice stains…"

Roy's head swam. "Stains."

"Yup. Well, don't worry too much, it's really not permanent. It'll fade if you bathe her a lot, and eventually it will be replaced as she sheds and grows a new coat. Or if Mr. Edward tries to alchemize it out, that might work, too."

Ed. Oh, fuck. "Ed's going to kill me."

"Now, now, sir. He'll do no such thing. He has no reason to blame you. If anything, the both of you should blame me. I'm the one who figured that he might actually play quietly in the sitting room. I should have known better."

Roy sighed. "You don't understand. He'll never admit it, but Ed adores that cat. He'll bitch about her, to be sure, but she practically lives in his study. He's going to have a conniption at the very _thought_ of her being in any _sort _of danger. Yeah, I know that it didn't hurt her, not really. And no, I'm not going to, nor will I allow Edward to blame _you_. How could we? The kid's somehow managed to inherit Ed's mischievousness, I swear. We can't even keep up with him, and he's barely two. I dread to think of his teen years."

He scooped up the boy clinging to his leg, holding him out in front of him at eye-level. "Alphonse, what did you do to the kitty?"

"Kitty's pretty!" Al squirmed until Roy set him back down, then ran over to inspect the berry-colored cat.

Roy just rolled his eyes and turned back to the woman at his side. "I'll just let Edward deal with him, I want no part of this." Roy stated decisively. "Anita, you can head out now. Thank you for staying, but I know that you need to be getting home."

"Yes, sir. I took care of the majority of the mess the little monster managed to make while engaging in his _artistic_ endeavor. Although the clothes he was wearing are a lost cause, I'm afraid." She shook her head. "Oh, and your and Mr. Edward's laundry has been folded and put away, and there is a roast in the oven. It'll keep warm until he gets home, too."

"You're too good to us, Anita. You know that doing our laundry isn't necessary, nor is cooking. We could figure it out, really, if you didn't spoil us so."

"Bah, you boys are worthless without me. And I'll not have my Fuhrer looking like the incompetent male that he is. I'll see you in the morning, sir."

"Goodnight, 'Nita," Roy called as the woman left. He turned his attention to his son, who was deftly circling the wary feline, staying just out of the range of the outstretched claws. "Now, Midget, what am I going to do with you?"

Al just giggled. He turned away from the cat and to his father, his face a picture of angelic innocence. "I love you, Papa."

"Oh, no, that line's _not_ going to work on me," Roy admonished, fighting to keep his lips from twisting into a smirk. "It'll probably work on Ed, though. He never has learned to stand up to you. I'll be surprised if he's home before you're in bed, though. Come on, let's get you some food."

Al laughed and ran ahead of him to the kitchen. For the first time, Roy realized that the boy's hands, feet, and part of his face were darkened a pinkish-purple. He shook his head.

'_Yup. Ed's gonna kill me. But how could I have known that the simple activity of dying eggs for an archaic holiday would lead to this?'_

"I'm home!"

Ed's voice echoed through the halls. A few moments later, and the man himself appeared, pulling his hair down out of its ponytail and flopping down on the sofa next to Roy, leaning on his husband's shoulder.

"I'm exhausted. Did Anita leave dinner? Something smells good, and I know that _you_ can't cook worth a damn. He snuggled in closer, sighing contentedly as Roy draped his arm around him. Where's the kid? He can't be asleep already, it's only eight-thirty…" His ramblings trailed off as he spied the ball of fur curled up on a chair across the room.

"Roy, sweetheart, _darling?_" The blonde's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Yes, Ed?"

"Why the fuck is my cat _pink_?"


	3. Part 3 Poolside

* * *

"CANNONBALL!" 

Edward Elric raced toward the pool, leaping into the air and curling into a tight ball before breaking through the surface of the cool water with a large splash. He was drawn down quickly by the weight of his metal limbs, and kicked hard off the bottom, grabbing the concrete side and flipping errant strands of hair from his eyes.

"Damnit, Ed!" Winry called after him, slightly distracted from fuming at her friend by her own 8-month-old daughter, who was tenaciously attempting to divest the woman of her tiny bikini top. "I told you that the chlorine isn't good for the wiring of your automail! Now it's too late, anyway, we'll just have to soak it in a cleaning solution later."

"Come off it, Winry, I'll take care of it. And before you say ANYTHING else, I am _not_ going to wear those fucking float things. I'll be _fine_. I may not be able to swim all that well with the extra weight, but I can manage. This week is about fun. So give the kid to that good-for-nothing fiancée of yours and get your skinny ass in the pool before I throw you in."

"Is that a challenge, Mr. Elric?" Winry taunted, placing her daughter in Russell Tringham's waiting arms. "That's a laugh. You're too much of a bean to intimidate anyone, much less me."

Ed had long grown past his violent reactions to short jokes. He still hated them, but he liked to think that he was mature enough not fall into his teenage habit of temper tantrums. Although Ed knew that he would never be a tall man, he was roughly average, and he was enough of an adult to be happy with how he was.

This, however, was an old game, and Ed wasn't above rising to the bait.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD GET SUCKED THROUGH THE POOL FILTER!" Ed hollered as he launched himself up and out of the pool, water streaming from sun-bronzed flesh covered only by his clinging swim trunks. Winry shrieked and turned to flee, but was blocked by Roy, who just happened to be rather nonchalantly standing in her only path of escape. Ed grabbed her by the waist, swinging her up off her feet before flinging her flailing body into the water.

"Having fun yet?" Roy asked, smirking at Winry's sputtering form in the pool as Ed leaned back against his chest.

"Hell, yes," Ed replied, closing his eyes and tilting his head back against Roy's shoulder. Strong arms circled his body and fingertips began lightly tracing the firm muscles of his stomach. "This place is gorgeous, and we really needed a break. Work's been a bitch lately. Hey, who owns this place, anyway? One of those snobby rich friends who have parties you're always trying to drag me to? Hey, come to think of it, where the fuck are my brother and our son, anyway?"

Roy shrugged. "Around. I think they saw a cat or something", he replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. "As for this place's ownership, since you, _understandably_, refused to move into the traditional fuehrer's residence, I thought a nice getaway in the country might be nice."

"GETAWAY? This is a fucking mansion, Roy!"

"Perhaps," Roy smirked. "But it's a fun place, no?" He shifted the smaller man in his arms just enough to gain the necessary leverage to launch a thoroughly shocked Edward out into the pool.

Ed surfaced with a strangled gasp, howling curses and threats to Roy's life and manhood as he struggled into waters shallow enough for him to stand.

Roy just laughed at his husband's sputtered attempts at intimidation and gracefully dived into the pool after the other man. A few strong strokes were all that were necessary for him to overtake Ed, and he grabbed the irate blond by the waist and twisting him around, the two of them disappearing beneath the roiling waters.

When the men finally resurfaced, Ed's legs were wrapped tightly around Roy's waist, and their lips were just parting enough to take in much needed air before crashing back together.

"Really, guys, get a room," Alphonse called from the poolside, little Al's hand held firmly in his own. "There certainly are enough here, and there are children present who surely do not need a show. Right, Win?"

"For sure," Winry agreed from her position on the steps of the shallow end of the pool, her daughter in her lap. "Malia doesn't need to see that kind of thing. And quite frankly, neither do I. It's like seeing my brother making out. So not necessary. Besides, Roy, aren't you supposed to be firing up the barbeque about now? I'm starved! That was a LONG drive to get out here."

"Fine," Roy sighed, unwinding Ed from his person and making his way past Winry and out of the pool. He turned to his son. "Hey, Midget, do you want to help me make dinner?"

"No way!" Ed interjected from the water. "My boy's going to go swimming with his Papa Ed. Right, buddy?"

Little Al laughed and wrenched his hand from his uncle's, running to the pool and leaping off the side into his Ed's arms, bowling both of them back and under the water. There as a collective gasp from those watching, but Ed and little Al were both laughing as they came back up, Ed holding his son firmly in the shallow water.

"Guess that answers that," Russell laughed at Roy's annoyed snort.

"Fine, you all have fun, leave me to do all the work," Roy sighed, a slight twinkle in his eye as Alphonse joined his brother and nephew in the water. He pulled up the lid on the grill and began to prepare to fire it up.

"Yeah, that's us youngsters, no respect for our elders," Ed called out to his husband. Roy stiffened slightly at the crack at his age.

"I'm NOT OLD, damnit!" he snarled, squirting lighter fluid on the coals and purposefully snapping his fingers.

Nothing happened. No gloves. Pool. Oh, yeah.

Ed roared with laughter, shifting his son to one arm so that he could point at his husband with the other. Roy's face reddened as the rest of the party realized what had happened and joined Ed in laughter at his expense. Roy turned his pack on the party, reaching for a nearby box of matches and muttering to himself about certain ungrateful family members. He struck a match against the side of the box and tossed it amongst the coals.

There was an audible voomph and a tower of flame shot towards the sky. All laughter died as Roy let out a shriek of pain and stumbled backwards from the tour of fire, clutching his right arm to his chest, his breathing heavy with pain.

"You idiot," Ed sighed, bandaging Roy's burnt hand. "Leave it to you to use too much lighter fluid and burn yourself by creating a fucking fireball. Flame Alchemist, indeed. Too bad you're on vacation; this would have gotten you out of quite a bit of paperwork, not being able to sign anything and all."

Roy glared. "Shut up, Edward," he groaned. "This hurts like a bitch, and I am _not_ in the mood for your mouth."

Ed raised an eyebrow. "Really?" he cooed. "Too bad, because I had a few ideas on how to distract you from the pain…" He lifted one of the fingers on Roy's unhurt hand to his lips and began to suck gently. Roy's eyes rolled back as he let out a low groan.

"Alright, you two, that's enough!" Russell called from the place he had taken up at the grill. "Anyway, food's ready."

"Yay!" Winry called from the pool, where she and Alphonse were playing with the kids. "Come on, guys, it's dinnertime!"

By the time they were all dried off and sitting at the picnic table by the pool, the sun was low in the sky. Little Al was happily gnawing at a hot dog while all four men pointedly avoided looking at Winry as she fed her daughter.

"Yeah, so little Al and I were looking around earlier, and there are _stables_, Ed! With _horses_!" Alphonse exclaimed, excitedly waving his fork as he spoke. "It was really cool! Hey, Roy, do you think that we could go riding tomorrow?"

Roy smiled at the man's boyish excitement. "I don't see why not. I'll speak with the caretakers later. I'm sure that there won't be a problem, we should have everything at our disposal."

Al beamed. "Oh, how fun! Ed and I used to go riding sometimes when we were really little, friends of mom's that lived nearby had a farm and she would take us over on weekends. It was so much fun, but then…" Al trailed off, unspoken words heavy in the evening air. But then their mother had died, and not long after Al himself had been confined armor.

Alponse let out a startled squeak as a hotdog bun bounced off his forehead. He turned to glare daggers at his brother, who was grinning back at him.

"Don't start getting all depressed, moron. We're here to have fun, remember? No more mopey Al for the rest of the week!" Ed declared, waving his fork emphatically.

Little Al perked up from his seat next to Winry. "No, not you, monster," Ed laughed. "Closest thing you've ever been to depressed was that time Anita was sick and Papa Roy tried to cook for us." Both men shuddered. The health of Anita Johnson had thereafter been made a matter of national security. Literally. There was paperwork for it any everything. It was even signed.

"So, Alphonse," Russell called from his place at the barbeque. "When you get married and settle down, anyway? I don't know if I like the idea of there being another bachelor out there having more fun than me."

Al instantly turned scarlet. "Ummm, well…"

"You know, Alphonse, you're never gonna get anywhere if you don't just come out and tell him. Mooning over him but not acting is no way to get what you want," Roy advised.

Ed turned to his husband, eyes wide with surprise. "What do you mean, him? Damnit, Alphonse, I always thought you had a thing for Scheska. Is there something you haven't been telling me?"

Alphonse shrunk away from his brother's accusations. "N-no, brother, it's just that, well…"

"Poor man hasn't even admitted it to himself yet," Roy announced in a loud but conspiratorial whisper. "But he's got it bad for our dear Havoc. It's so cute, how he comes up with random excuses to come up to headquarters, obviously so that he might run into his dear Jean. The two of them just stand around chattering like schoolgirls. Hawkeye has a sizeable pool going as to when these two will wake the hell up and figure it out."

"That's so cute! Winry squealed, wiping the ketchup from little Al's chin.

Ed crossed his arms and huffed. "Really, Alphonse. You could have told me."

Roy put his arm around the smaller man's shoulders. "Now, Ed, don't be sore at the poor guy…"

"Shut up, you," Ed snarled, shrugging Roy off. "You could have told me, too, you know. What the hell happened to this great trust and our not keeping any secrets from eachother? Huh?"

"Ummmm, I think that I'm going to go for a walk." Al mumbled, standing and taking a few steps back from the table. "I really don't think that I'm ready for this conversation..." He continued to back away.

Ed's eyes widened. "Hey, Al, wait! Watch out for the-"

-_SPLASH-_

Ed winced. "Nevermind."


End file.
